Narcissistic family members may “love bomb” you, building you up with excessive flattery and attention to gain your trust in hopes that you’ll become a constant source of praise for them. Someone with NPD will also struggle to control their emotions and have intense mood swings. They might seem calm and then suddenly become angry, aggressive, and manipulative.
Family members with NPD will often silence you, ignoring your needs and desires in favor of their own and making you feel like your voice doesn’t matter. Narcissists often come off as vain and self-absorbed to others because they have a prideful personality.
They may try to twist your perception of them (and yourself) by using phrases like “You’re overreacting,” “You’re acting crazy right now,” and “You seem insecure. " If you walk away from them feeling confused and unsure of yourself, they may be gaslighting you.
Calling your family member out on lousy behavior may seem impossible because they get mad at the littlest things.
When interacting with a narcissistic family member, you may feel like their love is conditional and that you need to earn their love by fulfilling their needs. You may also feel anxious around them and worry about how they’ll react if you don’t say or do the right thing.
A jealous narcissist will try to tear down anyone they perceive as “better” than them. Jealousy is a common trait in narcissistic siblings, where rivalry can naturally develop.
You may notice the narcissist calling other people names and talking about them behind their backs. Other family members may decide they’ve had enough and cut ties with the narcissist. Narcissists dehumanize people, only engaging with those who seem useful or important enough to associate with. If they feel like someone has failed them, they’ll abruptly cut ties.
Remind yourself that the conflict results from the narcissist’s personality and are not really about you, so you don’t need to fight back or defend yourself. Don’t call them a narcissist outright, either. You might be trying to make them stop and think about their actions, but they’ll likely just try to prove that you’re the problem, not them.
Realizing that you have a choice is often empowering enough to help you relax in stressful encounters. Rather than engaging with your family member’s negativity, try saying, “I can see that you’re frustrated. Have you considered focusing your energy somewhere else? You’re always free to choose your own path. "
If they demand too much attention with frequent text messages, put your phone down without replying. Let them know that you won’t participate in negative conversations where they’re rude to you or talk about other family members behind their back.
You could say, “Hey, I’m going to get some air. I feel uncomfortable talking about our cousin like that, so let’s try talking later once we clear our heads. " Stick to your guns, and don’t let them make you feel guilty. Your boundaries are clearly defined, so you’re not overreacting by getting the space you need.
If your family member insults you, keep track of the facts. Do they have any evidence for their claims? Or are they just expressing an exaggerated opinion? Practice self-care by exercising, eating well, calming your mind with peaceful, enjoyable activities, and getting plenty of sleep. [10] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School’s Educational Site for the Public Go to source
Trusted friends are especially helpful because they’re removed from the situation and can offer a more objective perspective. A family member you trust can back you up and offer moral support during face-to-face interactions with the narcissist.
If they live close by, you could resolve to only see them once a week for a quick lunch. Alternatively, you might decide you only want to see them when other people are present at family events. Set time limits for phone calls so you won’t have to listen to their negativity and complaints for too long.
Write the date with each entry. Gaslighting is based on vague generalizations; you can refute the accusations when you have solid facts, dates, and times on your side.
Make a plan before you cut ties. Discuss it with friends if you need a second opinion, and make sure you can safely cut the narcissist off.
If you’re not sure how to find a therapist, start by asking your primary care physician for a referral. If you have health insurance, you can check your plan’s provider directory online. You can also search for a therapist using a helpful database like Psychology Today.
